I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize