I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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