It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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