Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
