I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
where am i from again
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
