I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
