I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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