That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
