If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
