I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
