Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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