i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
