I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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