It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
