sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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