dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
