Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
