You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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