I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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