What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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