I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
