Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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