How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
