If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
