I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
