there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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