5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
