Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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