my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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