You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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