I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
