Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
