Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
