We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
