Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
