i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You're like the curious george of whores
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
