i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
