I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
