matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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