he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
