This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
