summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
