Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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