yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
