GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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