I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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