umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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