I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
