I think my vagina is haunted
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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