She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
