We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
