I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
