I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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