Your tits are I can't wait for
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
