no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The best revenge is premature balding
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
