franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
