i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
