I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You may now shotgun with the bride
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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