the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
