As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
