The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
