There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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