Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
