I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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