There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
