There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize