He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
