Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
