Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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